I go by the name of Hannah Clams now. These days, I find refuge in my “YouTube/Blogger name” because of what it ultimately stands for.
Me coming out of my shell. And standing firm in my Christian faith.
Of course, clams are my favorite seafood and all, and I’ll never turn down a big buttery bowl of linguine with clams, but that’s besides the point.
I’ve been told by my closest friends time and time again that I’m bold. Arguably, too bold about my Christian faith.
There’s a reason behind it though.
It’s because I have this unending fire inside of me that seeks to eradicate all the hypocrisy that exists within our current generation. Whether that be our present political climate, media corruption, organized religion, or through the everyday normal lives of “Christians” who represent Jesus poorly.
I am not someone who believes that hate should be fought with hate. I do not believe in violent measures. Nor do I believe in the all-too-common “fire and brimstone” approach where people stand on pedestals and preach to others that they’re going to hell if they don’t believe in Jesus.
Frankly, it is because of the people who misrepresent Jesus, who act like Pharisees, that prompts me to do what I do.
When I’m frustrated, angry, or sad, I love to create. Whether it be YouTube videos, music, writing, or cooking. Other than ugly crying out to God, praying, and seeking comfort in His Word, my go-to outlet is to create content and sing.
I know that my platform can at times be offensive. I realize this. I’ve spent way too many hours worrying about how I’d be perceived by the general public in the past. But I truly believe that there is a way to evangelize and share the Gospel in a way that’s relatable to modern-day millennials. How? By literally representing myself as who Jesus calls me to be.
I am not perfect. I am a sinner saved by grace. In fact, I need His grace every single minute of every single day. I fail. I mess up. But I try my best knowing that it’s not by my own strength, but His, that gets me through even the most toughest and trying of circumstances.
I will be even more specific.
All my life I’ve wrestled with the notion that I was alone. This is especially true in seasons of depression and anxiety, where I’ve cried out to God and wondered if He had abandoned me. I’ve doubted his existence. Whether or not He was even real. I, just like anyone, struggled with the notion that a perfect and good God could ever exist despite such an evil and corrupt society.
But He’s real guys. He’s real. And no, I’m not delusional. Even if you’re a hardcore atheist, it takes faith to believe that there’s no God. Either way, you strongly believe in something, right?
My life has always reminded me of the Book of Job in the Bible, hence why I named my son Job.
In the Book of Job, Job went through several seasons of sickness, persecution, betrayal by his closest family and friends, and general misunderstanding. Yet despite all of the pain and suffering he endured, he never cursed at God.
Of course, Job was human. So he cried out to God begging him to rescue him from his current state of distress. And guess what? God did. Not only did God rescue Job, but He completely redeemed his situation and blessed him even more.
It is my prayer that all the pain and suffering I have endured in my past will be used for good. That it would be continually redeemed and used to encourage others to seek Jesus and stay strong and steadfast in the faith.
If you are a Christian who struggles with mental illness, you are absolutely not alone. God can and will rescue you from your season of darkness. He has for me.
Mental health is a subject that’s commonly avoided in the church, and this needs to change. In the same way that our body is subjected to physical ailments like cancer, diabetes, and heart disease, mental illness is no different. The chemistry in our brain does not define our character. It does not compromise our convictions. Jesus is capable of healing and redeeming any ailment or situation, with the help of good medical doctors and psychiatrists.
Today, I am stronger than I have ever been before in regards to my faith in Christ. But I recognize that I need to heal. From past hurt, trauma, and failure. Perhaps it is for this very reason that I’m writing this post. I write when I’m in pain, or when I’m convicted to share a message that I feel like hasn’t been properly represented in the media. I guess I’m a journalist by nature, after all.
It is my prayer that if you’re reading this, you would be open to accepting Jesus into your heart. You don’t need a pastor. Though that would be awesome, to help you navigate through your thoughts and questions. But right now. In the comforts of your own room. Just pray. Talk to God as you would your friend.
I’m here for you too. Feel free to e-mail me at email@example.com so I can better direct you. Or DM me on Instagram at @hannahonthegrams. I’m not perfect. I don’t have all the answers. But I will do whatever I can to help.
Helping others is so healing. I look forward to God’s redemption plan for me, knowing that He is there when I’m lonely, sad, or doubtful. God is so, so good guys. And if I can say that, then please trust me when I say that you can too.
Happy Sunday y’all, have a blessed one! Excited to go to church and just worship my heart out. Hope you will too.