Above: This is me, 60 pounds ago. People thought I was at my healthiest, but I was far from it. I explain why below.
My pregnancy (and birth) was rough, to say the least. During my first and second trimester, I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis Gravidarum, which is just a fancy term for extreme morning-sickness. I couldn’t hold down anything I ate or drank. There were many times I needed to get hooked up to an IV to make sure I wouldn’t get dehydrated.
Then, when my third trimester rolled around and the HG subsided, I ate everything and anything. Food became my greatest source of comfort, yet my greatest enemy. I ate when I was stressed, sad, bored, tired, lonely, you name it. I used it as a coping mechanism to help me temporarily get through difficult life events that I couldn’t properly deal with at the time.
My relationship with food has always been unhealthy. But it wasn’t always noticeable until that point.
When I competed as a state finalist for Miss NJ USA® 2014 (two years before my pregnancy), I was at my “skinniest”. There were many people, even my own family members, who would applaud me for looking “the best I ever have” and assumed I was at my “healthiest”. Little did they know, I was taking extreme measures to get there. I was afraid of certain foods, especially carbohydrates.
I would steer away completely from any sort of rice, bread, sugar, etc. It was to the point where if I ate even a little bit, I’d feel terribly guilty afterwards. A lot of people today call this a “no-carb, high-protein diet”, and I’m sure that for some people, it’s strictly a diet. But for me, it became an obsession. It was a disordered way of eating. It consumed me. And it was exhausting. The scale ruled me, and I let it. My fear of what other people thought of me also ruled me during this time, and to state it bluntly, it was a disastrous combination.
So you can imagine, when I gained all this weight, how afraid I was to face people. Especially those that knew me from before my pregnancy. Well long story short, in retrospect now that my little one is over a year old, gaining weight was actually something that needed to happen to me. As ridiculous as it may sound, I actually learned a lot from gaining nearly 60 pounds, that I wouldn’t have realized otherwise.
Here’s what I learned from gaining 60 pounds:
1. People are fickle. Their opinion does not and should not matter.
I was too wrapped up in what people thought about me. If we were all to be honest, when we care too much about what others think, it means that we care a little too much about ourselves. I realized this quickly. And I ate a big piece of humble pie during this time, which I desperately needed.
In a culture that has become so narcissistic, it has been the biggest relief taking the attention off myself. This life is not all about me. Now, it’s my biggest passion to help others who are going through similar things I experienced, and to ultimately give all the glory to God for everything that He has done!
2. Weight really is just a number. Health is the most important.
After gaining 60 pounds, there was a point where I kept comparing myself to my previous weight. Honestly, it was exhausting. I got to a point where I realized that everything I endured to hold this precious baby in my arms was well worth it. And it was. There is nothing I would take back. Nothing I would trade for this incredible blessing from the Lord.
Now, I’m in a place where I’m getting back to a healthy weight, in a healthy way. I’m not cutting out carbs. I really believe one of the reasons why I gained so much weight in such a short time period is because I yo-yoed from all my extreme no-carb diets.
Once I began eating carbohydrates normally, my body held onto it like there was no tomorrow, probably thinking I’d deprive it of its most readily available source of fuel. Carbohydrates are necessary! (And I’m so relieved that I can now enjoy them as a part of my everyday meal, guilt-free.)
3. Physical beauty is relative. But radiance, a beauty that derives from the soul, is contagious.
Beauty on the surface only goes so far. But there’s something about a beauty that radiates from the soul. For me, my source of “radiance” was and still is Christ. When I was at my worst- in the deepest of depression and darkness, He saved me. He showed me my true worth. That it wasn’t in anything of this world. It wasn’t in titles, people’s approval, my appearance, or success. It was in Him and Him alone. Truly recognizing this for the first time in my life, completely transformed me from the inside out.
With hashtags like “#cleaneating” and “#bodygoals” it seems like we’re only becoming more obsessed with an unachievable, unrealistic ideal. Here’s to health, and getting there gradually and in a healthy way. No pressure. No worries. No fears.
I love your honestly and your whole blog is beautiful !
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You are too kind! Thank you!
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You’re welcome !
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Keep in touch and have a blessed weekend!
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You too !
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I absolutely loved reading this! I’m also for being happy and healthy first–so much pressure on women to look a certain way! Uff! Your honesty is refreshing and so many women will benefit from reading your post! 💜💜💜
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Wow, thanks so much for your kind and encouraging words! I agree- the pressure to look and appear perfect is causing so much damage to our overall perception of beauty. So glad you were uplifted by this post, keep in touch! 🙂
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Definitely will keep in touch! 💜
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Beautifully written love! 🙂 x
https://alifyalifestyle.com/
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You’re so kind! Thanks for the feedback 🙂
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Wow you’re really beautiful! And where are those 60 pounds? All I see if perfection!
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Thank you! But this is an old photo (before I gained the 60 pounds!)
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Haha. I’m sure you look just as beautiful now as you did when you were 60 pounds lighter! And for your child, it’s absolutely worth it, isn’t it ?
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Exactly, it was absolutely worth it. It was difficult accepting my new body at first, but I’ve learned to embrace it for everything its endured!
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And so you should! Happy belated mother’s day! ☺
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Thanks so much! Have a blessed day and keep in touch!
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Will do! Following you now!
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You have a beautiful blog! I can definitely relate to your struggles with depression and dissatisfaction with worldly things at such a young age. Since I have started my spiritual journey I’ve had some powerful and very personal experiences with God that have completely changed my life. I would very much like for others to feel that unconditional love as well. Keep spreading the positivity!
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Thanks so much Sierra! And wow, would love to hear more about those experiences- keep in touch and thanks for the encouragement!
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i hope u have a facebook page so it’s easier to follow u and not miss any post. God bless u
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I’m so sorry I just saw this comment now! I recently created a Facebook page to go along with this blog, you can follow it at https://www.facebook.com/thebeautyofourimperfection 🙂
I’m more active on my blog’s Instagram account which is @thebeautyofourimperfection if you have an IG. God bless and thanks for your support!
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